I think I might be a self-hating nerd.
I went to the NY Comic Con this past weekend - twice, actually, since I bought the weekend pass - and I found myself amazed at the level of dorkdom that existed in this place - people dressing up in costumes as heroes with far better bodies than their own, arguing over the subtle nuances that makes their particular favorite show/movie/character superior to all others, and waiting in line for hours for autographs, panels, or a trailer. And secretly, I'm looking down my nose at all of them. Judging them all, silently. Ignoring the fact that I am, of course, there myself - having paid the same $45 to get in, waiting patiently in line, and engaging in conversations like this:
Alleged "Lost" Fan (to someone else): Ahh, I can't wait for Lost to come back in two weeks!
Me (overhearing, and interjecting): It comes back next Thursday, actually.
A.L.F.: Oh really? I thought it was in two weeks. And I heard they might add another episode to the end of the seas...
Me: Yeah, it was confirmed a few days ago. They're adding an extra hour to the finale.
A.L.F.: Oh - awesome! I wonder if they're gonna do a Ben episode sometime soon?
Me: I dunno about that. I guess I'm just too busy having a life, you OBSESSED FREAK!
That conversation happened pretty much verbatim, minus the last line, which I just said in my head*. I could literally be the biggest dork surfing for hours on a 'Lost' message board, and I'm got nothing but disdain for my fellow fans. What's wrong with me?
I guess my whole life I've always felt like I've struck the perfect "balance of interest," straddling the line between the casual and the obsessive. I'm a big enough fan of Batman that I can name the vast majority of his rogues gallery, but I'm not crazy enough to care about the character's history before the first movie came out in '89. I fantasize daily about flying around the city like Superman, but I'm smart enough to know I could never pull off actually wearing those tights (note: apparently neither can most men in seemingly excellent shape - that's just a tough outfit to pull off). And finally, I'm willing to get in line for an hour to see the Venture Bros. panel at Comic Con, but so help me god, you will not see me asking a single question to the creators once I'm in there. Because I have dignity. And besides, they're not going to actually reveal anything there that's not already online.
But really, I need to stop judging people. I need to embrace them as my brethren. I may not have been as much into comics as the majority of people at the convention were, but I was fairly certain I had played and beaten far more video games than the rest of them. And I was SURE I was the only person in the entire Jacob Javits center who was contractually obligated to stay from the games on the showroom floor. Well, relatively sure at least.
I guess I just want everyone to be secretly ashamed of their little obsessions like I am. Keeping their fandom to themselves, at least pretending on some level to hide it from the rest of society. Make a fan site, keep comics under your bed, put the 'Back To The Future' theme song on your ipod. Just don't be stupid and leave the house wearing a t-shirt that says: "VIDEO GAMES RUINED MY LIFE - GOOD THING I HAVE 2 EXTRA LIVES." Oh, wait a minute...damn, that's me again.
Ah well, live and let live I suppose. But seriously guys, would it kill all of you to put on a little deodorant? Or just, you know, shower right before heading out the door? In the end you're* all just hurting yourselves...
Yeah, but I'd still rather be: Driving around the Mushroom Kingdom in a Go Kart.
*And in reality, I'm pretty sure the first episode back is Ben-centric.
*I'd say "we're" here, but I've got two Old Spice High Endurance sticks, one Axe Body Spray, and a receipt for the purchase of no less than 2 bars of Lever 2000 this month that tells me I can safely excuse myself from this stereotype. You stinky nerds!