Saturday, October 18, 2008

Day 287 - "They're watching me, watching me fall..."

The T.V. stand that I ordered from Amazon was apparently damaged in delivery this week. I like that ups.com allows me to track my package and find out things like this, but I would absolutely kill for just a little more detail:

US 10/14/2008 10:58 P.M.
"OK, WE GOT THE ORDER. YEAH - WE'LL GET RIGHT ON THAT."

OKLAHOMA CITY, OK, US 10/13/2008 8:09 P.M.
"WHICH ONE IS IT? IS IT THIS ONE? SHIT, DON'T TELL ME IT'S THIS ONE ALL THE WAY ON TOP. WELL...FUCK MY NUTS."

OKLAHOMA CITY, OK, US 10/14/2008 3:29 P.M.
"WHOA WHOA WHOA, OK LOOK WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TURN IT THE OTHER WAY, THIS THING'S WIDER THAN YOUR'S MOM'S ASS, CARL."

EARTH CITY, MO, US 10/14/2008 1:15 P.M.
"WHAT WAS THAT? DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING IN THE BACK? YOU DON'T THINK...? NAH, THAT WAS PROBABLY JUST SOME CHAIN HITTING AGAINST THE SIDE OR SOMETHING."

EARTH CITY, MO, US 10/14/2008 9:42 P.M.
"OH MAN. FUCK ME. OK, OK, THIS IS NOT A DEAL BREAKER. IT'S PROBABLY FINE. THESE THINGS COME IN TONS OF PIECES, RIGHT? STOP SHAKING IT. THOSE ARE JUST THE NUTS AND BOLTS AND SHIT THAT COME WITH IT. I SAID STOP SHAKING IT!"

SECAUCUS, NJ, US 10/16/2008 11:15 A.M.
"OH JESUS, WHAT NOW. FUCK CARL, DID YOU NOT LATCH THE BACK?!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? IT'S ALL OVER THE MOTHER-FUCKING FREEWAY YOU DIPSHIT! WHAT? HAHA, WELL, WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY, I GUESS IT IS KIND OF FUNNY."

SECAUCUS, NJ, US 10/17/2008 12:27 A.M.
"HEY CARL, I GOT A RIDDLE FOR YOU. WHERE DOES THE AMERICAN DREAM GO TO DIE? LOOK AROUND YOU - YUP! SECAUCUS, NEW JERSEY. JESUS, WHAT A DUMP."

BROOKLYN, NY, US 10/17/2008 1:54 A.M.
"OK, WE'RE ALMOST THERE. WHADDYA SAY WE JUST LEAVE IT ON THE FRONT OF THE PORCH, KNOCK, AND THEN TIP IT OVER AND MAKE IT LOOK LIKE SOMEONE ELSE DID IT? OH RIGHT...THE SIGNATURE. DAMN. I THOUGHT THAT PLAN WAS AIR-TIGHT..."

BROOKLYN, NY, US 10/17/2008 4:40 A.M.
"OK, LET'S GET THIS THING OUT OF THE TRUCK. CAREFUL WHEN YOU...WATCH OU-!!! OW, OWWW, FUCCCCKKKKK MY ASS KARL!!! YOU STUPID CUNT...CUNT FUCK...SHIT BITCH! I HATE YOU, AND I HATE THIS FUCKING TV STAND, AND I HATE EVERYONE! ARGGHGHAHGAH!!!"

BROOKLYN, NY, US 10/17/2008 4:36 P.M.
"YEAH...I'M BLEEDING. AND THAT'S MY BLOOD ON THE BOX. OK, WE'RE DONE, CALL IT IN. WAIT, ACTUALLY HOLD ON. HOW MANY MORE STRIKES WE GOT LEFT?."

-Matt

Yeah, but I'd still rather be playing: Dead Space - a spooky sci-fi action thriller in the vein of classics like DOOM and Resident Evil:

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