I have a problem with wishing the worst on people. And it's not limited to friends, family members or co-workers who wrong me. It apparently extends to celebrities I've never known or met in my life. The latest focus of my hate was Mike Myers*, or more specifically, Mike Myers as seen in the now official box-office bomb "The Love Guru."
I felt a certain level of betrayal (again, something I probably shouldn't really be feeling) from Mr. Myers with his latest project, having been a big fan of his for some time now. I also see him as something of a kindred spirit. Like me, he spent years performing improv on stage, as a Canadian, he's a bit awkward and a bit of an outcast, and he apparently has some major insecurity issues (though he's very comfortable talking about them openly on the talk show circuit). I actually wound up seeing him live during his appearance at "Iconoclasts" with Deepak Chopra and while I didn't think a self-help guru character was a brilliant idea in and of itself, he seemed so invested in the idea, I figured why not? It's not like I thought a German talk show host was a brilliant idea in and of itself.
But then I saw the first trailer for the movie, and immediately became furious. Most movie trailers get one of two reactions from me - "Meh," or "Ooh!" but this one elicited the rare third reaction: "Are you fucking kidding me?" For half a second I thought it might have been Myer's most brilliant comedic move ever - releasing a fake trailer to generate some awful buzz, only to blow everyone out of the water with a real trailer of the REAL, honest-to-goodness hilarious movie. Sadly, this was not the case. He was just making that movie.
Then I read that he's actually kind of a dick in real life. Real hard to work with, super controlling, and people have gone on the record saying they never want to work with him again. But of course, if the end result is some box office bank, then no one gets to complain. You get to keep making movies, and you can keep on being a total douche bag. Much to the chagrin of everyone else.
So now, having seen the trailer, and read the article, I was literally getting excited for his movie to fail. I knew his movie didn't stand a chance (stupid move, Paramount) up against Get Smart, even if Get Smart turned out to be not very good. The bottom line was that Steve Carrell's a lot hotter than Mike Myers is right now, one of the movies is based on a beloved franchise (though admittedly, this could easily backfire), and one trailer didn't make me vomit in mouth. I was checking various movie sites throughout the day, in eager anticipation of the box office numbers.
Now, a normal, sane person, who hasn't been personally burned by Mr. Myers before would probably take one look at the results and say: "Oh, looks like Steve Carell won this weekend. Good for him." But all I could focus on is how badly Mike Myers failed. And I didn't even see the movie! It's like the very idea of this movie, the picture - or video I guess - that I have of it in my head is a personal insult to me, and I'm sitting here in front of my computer singing "Nyah nyah nanyah nyahhh." to a guy who's proven himself to be far more talented and successful than I'll probably ever be.
Maybe that's exactly what it is - a bit of jealousy. He got to be a big star, so all I can hope for now is for him to crash and burn. But I really did used to respect and adore him. And I was speaking with a friend the other day (after having a similar experience with Mr. Shyamalan) about hating when bad movies do well at the box office, because it simply begets more bad movies down the line. I don't really trust the American public to always make the right decisions.
I'm not a religious person at all, but I do sort of believe in karmic justice. Well, not so much believe it, as demand it. Mike's combination of (alleged) jerkiness and his inability to see what a disaster he had put together was unforgivable to me. I won't go so far as to say I was actually praying for The Love Guru to bomb, but let's just say I have some candles, some needles, and a doll that I need to put away.
Update on Milhouse: So, as it turns out, my cat might not have cancer. It's still sort of up in the air, with one vet saying yes, and one, including a radiologist, saying no. But he has something, and I still am not 100% sure what it is. He's seemingly deaf (or else, he's been ignoring me since late May), and he still has good and bad days/weeks. So the mystery continues. At the very least, things seem a bit more optimistic since my last post. And hopefully my next post will come with even better news.
Yeah, but I'd still rather be playing: as Solid Snake, on his final mission:
*Though, in this situation, technically I actually have met the celebrity. And we even spoke - I believe he said "excuse me" as he was trying to brush past me at my local improv theater.