Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Great Ideas I Defy The Internet To Shoot Down, Part One

Oh sweet sweet readily available pile of cash money, I hardly knew ye...

UPDATE - Well, consider this idea (at the least the shorter men's clothing store) SHOT DOWN. Wah wahhh. :(

As I sit here, at home in my jammies, now officially dealing with my second bout of unemployment in 2 years, I find myself pondering potential get rich quick schemes. But as I'm mostly short on those (and I can only buy so many lottery tickets), the next logical thought in my brain is brilliant, never before heard of business ideas, which I've had a few of over the years. One of my favorites is Matt Shafeek's Small N' Svelt Retail Outlet & Clothes Shrinking Shop*, which is pretty much exactly what it sounds like.

As a shorter man, I've had my fair share of difficulty dealing with over-sized men's clothing at most retail stores. Most American clothing stores size men clothes in such a way that the smallest available size is apparently for man at least 6 inches taller than me (and I may be short, but I'm pretty sure there are a lot of men shorter than 5'10") And to top it off, there's PLENTY of "Big & Tall" men's clothing stores, but not a lot of options for men who fall on the other side of the scale. I used to just grin and bear it but I've become less and less ok with wearing many of the clothes that are clearly too long on me. Places like H&M are a tad better but I think still not enough.

I may or may not have mentioned this before (as I approach my 100th post (!), a new, recurring fear is that I am posting a repeat blog entry without even realizing it - oh fuck, have I said this before???), but never this fully fleshed out.

Anyways, my store has a two-pronged attack to cater to the lower-center-of-gravity market. One is the obvious: smaller clothes, but obviously all just as stylish as the ones you'd find in your Banana Republics, your Abercrombies, your Fitches. With lots of pockets, obviously. I will vet a wide variety of top-end fashion designers, who will all of course be begging to be a part of my new brand, all the while kicking themselves for not thinking of this idea sooner. The second prong, the real genius of my store/plan/ticket to cashville involves my soon to be patented clothes-shrinking technology. Like the Iron Man suit, only mostly dryer-based.

How did I get in this blog post, exactly?

I've seen evidence that this is possible on some level. Surely, like anything else, there's a science to it, right? Why can't a person, given enough time, and free access to a Laundry Palace full of small, medium, and large dryers figure out a way to shrink ANY article of clothing (assuming it's not, you know, Dry Clean Only) down to an exact, pre-determined size? Because if I could, internet, oh, how wonderful life would be!

I guess I'll stop my dreaming here and post that question to all of you out there right now: Is there a logical, scientific or otherwise practical reason why a person couldn't figure out a way to purposefully shrink down their clothes in a dryer, given the necessary resources? I'm dying to know, if just for curiosity's sake! And if it is possible, and you have $10,000 to spare, boy, have I got a pitch for you!

You'd like these 38/34s made into 32/30's? Let me just adjust the Drux Capacitor...

Haha, maybe that's what the new format for this blog will be: me pitching crazy brainstorming ideas that I DEFY anyone on the internet to shoot down (and/or steal my idea, which I'm fully aware I'm also inviting).


Currently Playing: Not too much at the moment, but I'm off to the first ever PAX East tomorrow, so I'm sure there will be plenty to report once I get back!

*For brevity's sake, I may change this to just: Shafeek's Small & Svelt Shrinkage Emporium. Catchier, right?


johnbryk said...

I have a similar gripe to yours--it's very hard to find clothing that fits my skinny 6'4" frame. The problem isn't exactly the same--stores are usually oddly overflowing with pants that fit me, so I'm never wanting in that department. Maybe I just have a long torso. And that may be the source of my problem--finding shirts and jackets that fit. I've got the dress shirt thing down to a science--the science being buy them at Brooks Brothers. But when it comes to general ready-to-wear tops, either my sleeves are too short, or I'm swimming in the material. I'll usually go for the former over the latter, which means that, first, a large part of my wardrobe is sized as "medium" (sometimes I'm lucky and get "medium tall" or "large fitted"), and second, I walk around with my sleeves pushed up a lot.

In any case, let's combine forces. How does "Matt 'n' John's Skinny Short 'n' Tall Dudes Clothesporium" sound?

Honeykitz said...

You guys! Women have been lengthening, shortening, and every other form of tailoring known to get their clothes to fit--and you don't even have the boob issue: we all, and each have two somewhat matching bumps sticking right out in front of our bodies--and the size and shape of them is as varied as the snowflakes. Plus, the location of them, in relation to the shoulder and the waistline, varies from woman to woman, AND in the same woman during her lifetime. So if you ever have questions of this sort, ask any woman you know.

And you can shrink anything by washing and drying in hot water/high heat. I made lots of doll clothes that way when I was a little girl.