Monday, April 5, 2010

You See, Life Is Full Of Giant Containers Of Super Slurm

You know, even after seeing the whole story, I still kind wanna try it...

As I sat down to write today, fending off a number of distractions before actually getting to this point in time, I am reminded of a classic Futurama episode in which Fry, the series protagonist, is offered a trip to go to the factory where they make his favorite drink, Slurm. Now, it turns out Slurm, whose slogan is "It's highly addictive!" is not actually an innocent combination of chemicals concoted by a team of flavor scientists, instead comes from a secretion from the gross end of a giant space worm. Once this space worm discovers Fry and his friends spying on them, she sentences them to death, but in an unnecessarily complicated way (as super villains are wont to do). She knows Fry loves Slurm, so she squeezes an extra concentrated dose of Super Slurm in a giant tub, gives him a spoonful of it, then tells him he's free to leave, knowing full well that he'll just keep eating until he bursts. Meanwhile his friends are set to die on slow moving mechanical traps (having used up her ingenuity on the first trap).

Fry obviously wants to save his friends but he simply cannot bring himself to stop eating the deadly, delicious Slurm. Eventually, he only manages to save the day by splitting the difference - he slowly drags the Slurm vat with one arm and continues to eat while at the same time attempting to save his friends. He only stops eating when Leela (his one eyed, purple haired, voiced by Peggy Bundy alien love interest) eventually kicks the vat over and pours the Super Slurm down the drain, to which Fry, horrified, attempts to chew his arms off to get through the grate until he is dragged away.

I bring up this story because I very often find myself dragging along my own Giant containeR Of Super Slurm - or G.R.O.S.S , if you will - in my everyday life. Giving my room a quick scan, here's a list of the distractions I can think of less than 10 feet from me:

Matt Shafeek's G.R.O.S.S. Domestic Products*:
(or G.D.P.(2)? Does that work? Oh geez, I think I'm in over my head here)

-My Computer (in fact, I am using it right now!)
-Email
-Chat
-Facebook
-Google Reader
-Twitter
-Internet
-Wikipedia Tangents
(see: Futurama episode lookup to multi-episode recaps)
-iTunes/podcasts
-My Television
-DVR with way too many hours of The Daily Show/Colbert Report on it
-Netflix subscription
-Game Systems
-Xbox 360
-Nintendo Wii
-Nintendo DS
-Playstation 2
-PSP
-And a "To Play" list burning a hole in my pocket
-Telephone
-Many many phone calls and texts from gorgeous women who
only seem to become more attracted to me the more I push them away

Kind of a ridiculously long list, right? When I went 'Paused' in 2008, it was a decision to specifically walk away from something that had become a major consumer of free time in the past. Nowadays video games are just the icing on the cake. I can play a game for 20 minutes and then sit down at my computer and waste another hour doing nothing especially productive. Distractions have become my new mortal enemy (and strong inhibitor of writing more, as I recently promised to do), and I'm going to dedicate the next few days to trying to rid myself of some of them. Hmm, I wonder how Snarf would have handled a situation like this....

"Snarf, snarf...get back to work, you lazy fuck!"

Dammit! Anyways, for now when I want to write I suppose I'll have to close all the extraneous tabs and windows, take advantage of the nice weather and take my laptop outside, while the battery lasts. Anyone else have any better ideas? Also - I encourage you all take your own G.R.O.S.S. test, if only to see if I'm officially the man fighting more distractions than anyone else in the world...

-Matt

PS: Still stalling on the story I wanted to write for my 100th post. Man do I love unnecessary build up!

Currently Playing: Well, when I'm properly allotting the time to enjoy some gaming, I'm playing Mega Man 10 (it's classic, old school sometimes-incredibly-frustrating-but-generally-fun, just like the last one), the Blur Multiplayer Beta (MarioKart + Project Gotham Racing = GOOD TIMES. Great demo, free for everyone to check out tomorrow on Xbox Live) and some Mass Effect 2 DLC (mostly the ship stuff, but I'm looking forward to the new content coming out tomorrow - hope you're gonna make it worth my $7, Bioware!)

*To say nothing of MANY books I have in my possession that I haven't read but I won't kid myself here and call themselves distractions (in fact, I'm sure I'd use my blog as an excuse to delay finally starting "Easy of Eden" after letting it gather dust for over a year).

2 comments:

Tyler said...

write your blog on an ipad! you can only have one thing open at a time, so you can't possibly be distracted. plus it will take every ounce of concentration typing on the responseless key window. (not a hater, i still want one)

Googs said...

I, too, have a GROSS list and I think those things can HELP the creative process. But is all about allowing time to do those things AND giving yourself at least an hour to do what you want to be doing. In your case, as well as mine, it's writing. Tonight, I somehow watched the new "Pacific" as well as brainstormed sketch ideas. It actually worked. And getting that done inspired to do some more work. And now I'm here! It's a balance, for sure. We'll all get there.