Saturday, April 21, 2012

[Onion Wedges] Shamed Ophthalmologist Concludes Hindsight Is Actually 20/10

STEAMBOAT SPRINGS, CO - After an awkward, failed attempt to ask out a long time crush, veteran ophthalmologist Dr. Paul Pfeiffenberger concluded that hindsight is in fact, 20/10, far better than the traditional score of 20/20 given for perfect vision. "Looking back on it, Tracey was giving me zero signs of interest, and had actually been regularly mentioning a guy she'd just starting seeing. This is in addition to telling me how much she valued our friendship," Dr. Pfeiffenberger said during a presentation given at a recent ophthalmology convention. "The kind of unbiased clarity I'm having now, after the fact, is the eye equivalent of detecting a ship coming over the horizon from twice the distance someone with 20/20 vision could have." He went on to list other important details that, noticed earlier, could have helped him avoid his embarrassing encounter, such as the fact that Tracey wasn't wearing any makeup, and didn't even seem to care if he heard her belching. Dr. Pfeiffenberger closed out his speech shaking his head said, adding: "God it is so, so obvious now. But you know what...maybe I just picked the wrong day to do it," he started saying before being drowned out by a chorus of boos.

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