So I watched The Five Year Engagement last week. While my other friends complained about the movie's length and managed to mispronounce Jason Segel's name (he's not related to Steven Segal, Noel), I realized that I rather enjoyed my time watching the movie, mostly due to my admiration of Segel's talents as both an actor and a writer. This led to me thinking that I've seen and enjoyed quite a few Jason Segel movies, which eventually led to an IMDB search where I slowly realized I've seen nearly everything the man has been in. Ever.
Rather than be ashamed of this fact, as I'm sure some people would, I've decided to fully embrace this gift I've bestowed upon myself and will now give you a look through the highlights of his wonderful oeuvre:
Best Character Name (Second To His Perfect Real Name)
Winner: Sydney Fife (I Love You, Man)
Unlike many other of Segel's characters, Syndey Fife oozes with confidence. And the name is certainly a reflection of that. Of all the cities to be named after, I think this one is tops, personally.
Runner Up(s): Marshall Eriksen (How I Met Your Mother) and Peter Bretter (Forgetting Sarah Marshall)
Both tall, masculine names that clearly convey the height of the man standing before you.
Worst Name: Jeff (Jeff Who Lives At Home)
Technically I didn't see this movie, but I don't think I ever have to, as from what I can tell this appears to be the only blemish of Jason Segel's otherwise perfect record. I mean come on, Jeff?! Man is that a boring name.
Most Segel-eiveable Occupation
Winner: Musician (Forgetting Sarah Marshall)
This could just be me projecting, but I don't see the point in Jason Segel playing anything but an artist of some kind. And though his occupation comes into play in many of his other roles, it is ultimately the gesture of putting on a Dracula puppet musical that restores his character's self esteem and basically gets him the girl. So boo-yah.
Runner Up(s): Chef (Five Year Engagement) and Super Villain (Despicable Me)
Segel's character comes with an ambulance turned food truck in FYE called "9-1-YUM!" which might be the greatest name of all time for a food truck, restaurant, or anything, ever. And as we all know, comical super villains are always awesome.
Worst Job: Unemployed (Jeff Who Lives At Home)
Again, didn't see this one, but what was I missing? Some loser who can't get a job, that's what. PASS.
Love Interest Most Worthy Of The J-Man
|Kristen Bell's pretty damn sexy too.|
Another big win for FSM. Jason Segel has had his fair share of gorgeous, talented leading ladies playing romantic interests, but for my money, Kunis takes the proverbial hotness cake. Also, I'm required by law here to say: "rawrrr."
|Technically this doesn't belong here. But I wanted to make sure you saw it.|
Hannigan plays a great comedic partner to Segel every week on HIMYM and though Cardellini's character ultimately rejected Segel's, there was a nice chemistry behind their awkward young romance. See - I'm not just boiling it down to looks here! Ok, but the hottest girl still technically won. Too late to go back though. Let's just keeping going, shall we?
Worst Love Interest: The Lack Of One, As Far As I Can Tell. (Jeff Who Lives At Home)
Maybe if this guy got a JOB and stopped LIVING AT HOME he'd find someone that wasn't into TOTAL LOSERS.
Most Entertaining Hangup/Problem For JaSe To Overcome
Winner: Sacrificing Career For Love (Five Year Engagement)
There's a slow build-up of frustration Segel's character Tom Solomon goes through when he puts his career on hold for his fiancee. Watching the frustration build, then eventually explode in an angry frustrated, rant is highly entertaining, and it's Segel at his best. I realize a lot of what I'm saying here seems like a sarcastic bit, but let me assure you: I am being genuine in my love of this man's performances.
Runner Up(s): Lack of Confidence (Undeclared) (Freaks and Geeks) (Forgetting Sarah Marshall) (How I Met Your Mother) (Jeff Who Lives At Home, I guess)
It can be hard to imagine how a man so tall can be lacking in self-worth in any way, but maybe that's what gives his characters so much pathos, you know? Ok, so maybe there's actually like, 25% sarcasm/bit in this piece. But it's still mostly genuine!
|Only one other person in this car will sleep with you, bro. Ok maybe Animal, too. In fact, he's probably already humping your leg right now.|
Ok, I'd love to rag on Jeff from Loserville some more here, but I'd be remiss if I didn't point out the ridiculousness of what happens in The Muppets. Segel's first-name-only character Gary almost loses his adorable girlfriend (played adorably by Amy Adams) because he's spending to much too involved in Muppet-related shenanigans. "Get a grip Gary!" is what I wanted to yell at the screen during the entire movie. But honestly, who can stay mad at a Segel character for long? And I suppose it all works out in the end.
Best Friend/Shadow Lingering Behind His Lengthy Frame
Winner: Ted Mosby / Barney Stinson (How I Met Your Mother)
The reason I watch this show every week is not because I care about Ted every finding the stupid mother of his endlessly patient children, but for the relationships of all the characters on this show. And this situations the three guys in this comedy find themselves in - man oh man! Just look at the above picture. Marshall's got a big slice of shaved hair on his scalp! Oh his wedding day! How are they gonna get out of this one? Spoiler Alert: Hilariously.
Runner Up(s): Peter Klaven, played by Paul Rudd (I Love You Man)
I almost gave this to Rudd just because it was kind of the point of the whole movie. And their relationship is pretty great as a bromance. But ultimately I think it boils down to watching a condensed friendship over the course of two hours versus 200+ episodes of conversations, antics and man hugs. Though the above picture certainly gives ILYM some big points.
Worst Best Friend: His Brother (Jeff Who Lives At Home)
Does he even count as a friend? COME ON!
Bonus: Best Jason Segel Action Sequence
I just wanted to add this, because I didn't give this piece much Undeclared love. But seriously, this:
Upon finishing this piece, I've slowly come to realize that Jason Segel is Hollywood's greatest gift to us all, and we need to give the man his proper respect, regularly. I've decided to refocus this blog's attention to doing just that. From now on, not just this post, but the entire blog shall be called: A Flock Of Segel(s) and it will be both the worlds #1 Jason Segel Fansite, as well as your number one source of Segel news, rumors, and analysis like you've seen here today. I hope you look forward to reading it as much as I do to writing it.
|The spreadsheet I made. Because I like making spreadsheets.|