Thursday, August 22, 2013

Video Games Do It Better: Boomerangs

If you want to know what makes video games truly shine, look no further than the boomerang.

Yes, the boomerang.

Left: Throwing Sticks. Right: Crazy Magic Tools Of Power!

Now, I could point to jet packs, time machines, or any number of fictional or hypothetical objects that only exist within the confines of a game world, but boomerangs are great because they're based on a real life object that they outclass in every possible physics-defying way.

Video game boomerangs might be considered mundane by video game standards, but they're actually pretty amazing. Gamers take them for granted as an early reward we forget about as soon as we have a hookshot, a Bat-Taser or some other more exciting toy, but think about how awesome the even most the basic video game boomerang is for a second. It acts like an extension of your avatar's hand - toss it safely anywhere in the game world and test your boundaries with a satisfying fwip fwip fwip. Is that wall real? Fwip fwip fwip. Is that statue really a statue, or is it a very still stone golem? Fwip fwip fwip. Will the game allow me to smack innocent old ladies in the head? Fwip fwip-yup, it will, and boy is she pissed!

The boomerang follows the same exact arc every time you throw it, and no matter what it will always come back to you. On the return trip 'ol boomie gains an uncanny level of determination that gives it ability to travel through solid objects and even people in order to make its way back to you. Even if you were to toss one way into the distance then leave the area without bothering to wait for it to come back, it will still somehow manage to find its way right back into your hands. That my friends, is a helluva stick...or a curse, maybe, I guess, depending on how you feel about it.

These digital tools also have powers real life boomerangs could never accomplish. They can hit objects and creatures, breaking or stunning them while also still making its way back to you. Somehow the Zelda series even got away with having them pick up things along the way, like a loyal, inanimate dog. How on earth can a simple curved stick stun an octorok, pick up rupees and still return back to Link in a single toss? Video games motherfucker, that's how.

I tossed a real life boomerang once or twice in my life. Talk about a disappointing experience. As it turns out, the damned thing requires a precise throw in order to return back to you. You're not going to get a boomerang to even begin to fly back your way unless you spend at least a few hours practicing throwing and, inevitably, retrieving a stick that you've tossed with all your might. How awful is that?

Now before all you RL Defenders out there get on my case about the value of learning a skill, or impart on me the difference between pushing a button and holding a tangible physical object in my hands with a weight, a smell, or a feeling against my hands - don't even bother, mate. It's just a boring old, dolled up non-magical stick. And learning to throw it, as a skill? Please. I don't know how to fix a pipe, a roof, or like, any part of a car. Those are the skill I'd should actually learn (but probably won't) before learning how to properly throw something that, no matter how much training I undergo, will never be able to collects coins off the street along the way before returning to me. What a waste of time!

Video games took a semi-interesting object in the real world and improved upon it in every single way.   They've successfully taken the concept of the boomerang, and digitally perfected it.

So thank you video games. Like our friend the boomerang, no matter how many times I give you up, I'll always keep comin' back.

-Matt


2 comments:

Jason Villegaz said...

After subscribing to an Australian broadband service provider, I then realized that online video games are really addictive. :)

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